The Worried Child

When do we as parents need to be concerned about our child and their worrying?

Everyone worries about something in their daily lives but worrying about every little thing can affect your child’s mental health and development. When worrying becomes constant, parents need to step in.

Some of the typical symptoms your child may experience are an inability to concentrate, nervousness, a fast heart rate, difficulty sleeping, a sore tummy and sore muscles, headaches and avoiding fear.

When parents notice their child going through this, it can be distressing, and it is often hard to know what the right thing is to do. A typical reaction by someone struggling with anxiety is to avoid whatever is causing it. Unfortunately, this can potentially make the situation worse. As parents, what we need to do, is learn how to help our children through it. We can do this by teaching them to change their thought patterns. Negative thinking only feeds the anxiety.

Firstly, we need to acknowledge what they are feeling, say something like, “I can see you are worried about this situation (describe what is happening), can you tell me what you are thinking?”

Secondly, we need to help them identify the worrying thought/s and how to change them. Try to find the “lenses” they are using and help them turn the thought around.

Teach them about the various worry lenses we use, such as:

1. What If lenses - This is when we ask: What if this bad thing happens? Even when it is unlikely to happen.

2. Mind Reading lenses - This is when we assume we know what other people are thinking.

3. Fortune Telling lenses - This is when we predict bad things will happen in the future, even though we do not know that they will.

4. Dark Doom lenses - This is when we see the worst in everything and think everything is wrong or bad.

5. I Am Useless lenses - This is when we are always putting ourselves down.

6. I Can’t lenses - This is when we think we cannot do things, even when we can.

For example, if mum is late picking the child up from school. The child may immediately think mum has been in a car crash. Help the child change the thought pattern: Mum is late picking me up. She is probably struggling to find parking. I will be ok my teacher will look after me.

By reframing the scary thought into a logical, calm thought process, we can teach our children to problem solve and use rational thinking to override their anxiety.

The secret to helping your child is to remain calm, so you can listen and be their sounding board and then help them turn the negative thought around. And teach them to use the strategy to do the same when you are not with them.

It takes time to retrain the brain. But with practice and perseverance becomes a lifelong skill to manage the anxious brain.